Doctor in the House

Green provides laughs for ‘Healthy Woman’ series luncheon crowd

By Deanna Brown

“Is it hot in here?”

The subject for Dr. Neal Green’s presentation at the Navarro Regional Hospital Healthy Woman event Thursday was given a kick-start by the strutting of glamorous men bearing ice cream.

While the Donna Summer tune, “Hot Stuff” played, Xavier Villarreal, Navarro Regional CEO; Jerome Brooks, assistant CEO; Whoa Dill, Navarro College baseball coach; Corey Barnes, policeman; Alan Walker, firefighter; and Dr. Rajan Kohli, Navarro Regional hospitalist moved amongst the crowd of 120-plus women.

Brown bag lunches of various types of sandwiches, chips and water were provided by the Navarro Regional Hospital Food and Nutrition Department.

Dani Boulware, Healthy Woman coordinator and marketing coordinator for Navarro Regional Hospital, said Healthy Woman is a free community resource for the women of Navarro County. Currently at about 350 members, more joined that day.

Green, always a popular speaker, cautiously approached the microphone, saying he wasn’t sure whether to be funny, or informative and serious, which drew laughs from all females in attendance who have known him through the years.

“Why is it that sometimes a person is so hot in a room that seems to be comfortable to everyone else?” Green asked.

Green went on to wonder aloud if the inventor of the dual controls on an electric blanket would one day get to work on the “toilet seat dilemma.”

“I’ve given three public talks in my life, all sponsored by the hospital,” Green said. “Which leads me to believe the CEO may not have the judgment he should...

“What would a guy like me know about a hot flash? I’ve been practicing medicine for 37 years, and even a man can learn stuff after 37 years.”

Green said he came to Corsicana at age 29 to practice obstetrics and gynecology, and a certain woman kept telling him about her menopause.

“As a 29-year-old male, I sure didn’t get it,” he said. “I didn’t believe God would do that to a woman.”

He recalled he had been up all night delivering a baby, and had an unshaven, dark beard. The woman continued describing her menopause symptoms to him, in spite of his sleep deprivation.

“I didn’t know what to say,” he said. “She interpreted my silence as really caring.

“I didn’t solve her problems, but she wrote me the nicest — unsigned — letter.”

Green recalled one of the most bizarre incidents in his years of practice. Dr. Kelly Burkhart’s nurse, Naomi Arnold, received a call from a woman with menopause. She said she was actually throwing up — and throwing up pennies.

“She came to the office, went in the bathroom, and threw up some nickels,” Green said. “I knew she was crazy, so I followed her into the restroom. Then, she started throwing up quarters.

“It was the first time I saw with my own eyes a woman going through the change.”

Most women in the audience didn’t see that punchline coming.

Green mentioned a book project he will undertake soon, titled, “Things a Woman Will Tell You a Man Really Should Not Know.”

“I’ve actually had a hot flash in this church,” Green said, mentioning that he’d attended First United Methodist Church for many years. “Not everything that lashes at your backside is a hot flash, though.”

Green said the problem is that now, women are outliving their ovaries. When women didn’t live as long, their ovaries didn’t wear out before they expired. When ovaries fail and cease to function, that is what gradually causes menopause, he said.

A discussion about ovaries and their function followed, with mentions of hormones, and how the hormones are responsible for periods, and a woman’s identity, shape, and sexuality. The first thing to go is regular ovulation, which allows a woman to conceive a child. Once ovulation stops, and menopause ensues, hormone replacement therapy may be recommended, with varying cocktails of progesterone, estrogen, or testosterone.

“Women don’t always react favorably if you say you’re going to give them testosterone,” Green said. “They think unwanted hair growth, deepening voice, boyish shape, and a desire to play soccer or something ...

“A little is good, however.”

Green said he’s never experienced a hot flash personally, but believes them to be pretty profound.

“I realize this is like describing the flood to Noah,” he said.

Women have described it to him like an oven coming from deep within, to the point where they may need to take off their pajama top and go stand by the window, to which the husband replies, “Well, be careful!”

“The hot flash will take up an entire chapter in my book,” Green said. “Is anyone in here over 50?” Much laughter. “I’ll be up there with you some day.

“I’m not going to talk about mood swings. It’s better to let women describe those.”

When asked how long menopause would last, Green replied, “probably for the rest of your life.” He surmised that hot flashes would probably last roughly five years, which drew a very loud laugh from a woman in the middle of the audience.

“We have to give some answers here, and five years sounds good to me,” he said by way of explanation.

After entertaining questions from the audience, door prizes were drawn and awarded, and it was announced that new surgeon Dr. Alfonso Ballasteros would begin Aug. 1.

Healthy Woman will continue its monthly programs Aug. 20 with a diabetes prevention and risk management seminar by Dr. Ron Rodriguez, and again Sept. 29 with the topic, “Keeping your Brain Young.” With October as breast cancer awareness month, the topic will be breast cancer, with the date to be announced.

“I ask that you keep my co-coordinator, Vicki Arnett, and her husband Randall in your prayers,” Boulware said. “Randall has been in the hospital for over two weeks, and they need our prayers.”

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