With only 10 shopping days left until Christmas I thought I’d dig up a few unique gift ideas for you all. Sadly, many of these were sent to me by on-line retailers. They’re real. Sad and tragic even, but real.
Whiskey stones, which are rocks (yes, you read that correctly, rocks) you put into your glass of whiskey to cool it, because ice melts. Granted, ice isn’t as likely to cause an emergency trip to the dentist when a front tooth gets chipped, but it’s all about priorities.
“Pets with Tourette’s” is a book of cute animal pictures with little word balloons full of dirty words. And it’s not as if there’s an angry bird saying the word, it’s actually a calm-looking bird, cat, dog, ferret and bunny saying the words, so it’s the shock value that’s supposed to send you rolling on the floor, except, after the first one (which wasn’t that shocking or funny), the shock value is over, and, oh fudge and fiddlesticks, I’ve spoiled the ending.
The WOW! Computer for Seniors. What makes it so wow wonderful, you ask? Well, it has buttons on the screen so you can touch them and it will bring up your games, photos, and e-mail system. Essentially, instead of having hidden folders, it has buttons that remain on the screen all the time. The sales pitch includes the following lines which I am copying verbatim: “ ‘Surf’ the Internet; Play games online!” Wow, indeed.
An outfit called TMart, which sells cheap stuff from very far overseas, offers gifts by category, so I clicked on the “teenager” category and found three fascinating objects: All are cigarette or cigar lighters — one is shaped like a four or five-inch bullet, one is like a genie’s lamp, and the third looks like a gun! Ha ha, because nothing says “I love you, kiddo,” like a cigarette lighter that has the bonus option of getting him shot.
Then there’s the Chia Freedom of Choice line, including Willard “Mitt” Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul and Barack Obama, each sale priced at $14.99 online. Gag gift or patriotic expression of gardening? It’s in the eye of the beholder.
I was going to mock The Photo Vault, by Sharper Image, as a $60 8G flash drive, but upon further investigation, I now want one. Yep, it’s a flashdrive, but it’s one with a spy feature that will suck all the photos out of any computer as soon as you plug it in and click “start backup.” I’d be a horrid spy because I can’t keep a secret (occupational hazard) but I still dig spy gadgets.
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Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Corsicana Daily Sun. Her column appears on Saturdays. She may be reached by email at jjacobs@corsicanadailysun.com. Want to “Soundoff” on this column? Email: soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com
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Janet Jacobs is City Editor of the Corsicana Daily Sun.
Discussion
Gifts that are never welcome
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Memorial Day thoughts
Next Monday we will fly our flag outside our house to honor Memorial Day. It is a tradition my wife brought into our marriage from her father who served in the Pacific during World War II.
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I am so cynical
Cynical: “...believing that people are motivated in all their actions only by selfishness; denying the sincerity of people’s motives and actions, or the value of living...sarcastic, sneering, etc...pessimistic implies an attitude, often habitual, of expecting the worst to happen...”
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Dumb people in the news
In the news this week was an on-line press release from the Department of Environmental Protection for the state of Pennsylvania that they’ve lost a nuclear device off the back of a truck somewhere between Pennsylvania and West Virginia. The Troxler Model 3430 is a radioactive gauge that takes measurements in the ground. The press release from the DEP states that anyone finding the box should not “tamper” with it.
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Editorial: Seizure of AP phone records insult to independent press
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
This amounts to spying on an American news organization — common practice in dictatorships but scary conduct in a democratic system that prizes the public value of an independent watchdog press. -
Flying the “Delta Connector”
I had an unfortunate fall earlier this week and wrecked my back to the point where I cannot spend much time sitting up at my desk to write. Therefore, I am recycling a piece I wrote many years ago about our first trip from Corsicana back to Denver.
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It's my job
A couple of weeks ago, some chowderheads released a study saying that the worst job in America is that of newspaper reporters because of the low pay, long, odd hours and stress.
Number two on the list was lumberjack, which makes sense because trees kill.
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Message from the Mayor: Safety first
The tragic incident that recently occurred in West serves as a stark reminder that disasters can occur at any time or place.
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Angels among us
The winds have dispersed the mushroom cloud that hovered over the small town of West. The dust has settled. The President of the United States, the Governor of Texas and other dignitaries have come to join in the memorial for those who lost their lives.
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Missing the fun
Sad to say, in the 11 years The Little Woman (don’t call me that!) and I lived in Navarro County, we never attended the annual Derrick Days festivities. We followed all the events in the Daily Sun, but we never schlepped into town to “walk amongst em.” I guess, if I were to be honest with myself, I am the reason we never went.
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Need a job? Leave the cat at home
The USA Today has printed an article this past week of advice to newly minted college graduates on how to get a job which basically boiled down to “don’t be stupid.”
This is excellent advice for any situation, but particularly that crucial job interview. - More Opinion Headlines
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