What in the world is so fascinating about Dec. 12, 2012. People were going nutso over this date for some reason unbeknownst to me. It’s only significance to me is it meant that Friday the 13th came on Thursday this month.
According to some news reports, pregnant women were having their labor induced so their poor offspring would have a birthday of 12/12/12. What’s up with that? I say just be happy with a birth any day in December so you can get the extra tax deduction for that year.
People all over the world were arranging to get married on 12/12/12 — some even had the marriage officiant check his/her watch and pronounce them man and wife (in most cases) at exactly 12 minutes after noon so their marriage date is 12:12 on 12/12/12. Oh, gag!
All this foolishness is for naught because, according to the ancient Mayans, the 5,125-year cycle know as the “Long Count” comes to an end on Dec. 21, 2012. This date signifies one of two possibilities — doomsday or a new age of enlightenment. Personally, I’m in favor of that new age of enlightenment stuff.
Other than the wonderful religious and festive holidays coming up, there are two apocalyptic dates on the Grouch calendar that are looming — Jan. 18, the day we head out on our relocation trek to Sarasota and Feb. 3, when the Super Bowl will be played in New Orleans. I am dreading the former and eagerly awaiting the latter.
Speaking of junk mail — I made an inventory of the junky mail items we had waiting for us when we got back from our recent three-week foray into the land of citrus trees and alligators: four credit card applications, one sweepstakes notice, three magazine subscription requests, five product advertisements, nine MediCare supplement applications, 11 wine, steak, and fruitcake (yes, that’s the one) catalogs, and 15 appeals from non-profits. Needless to say, I culled out the First Class mail (bills and Xmas cards) and sent all the rest to the landfill.
Speaking of my diet — it must be working as I did not have to use my seatbelt extender on any of the four legs of our recent air travel to and from Florida. That’s right — now the truth is out — I carry my own personal extender in my briefcase on all flights just in case. This way, no one but The Little Woman (she hates that name) and I need to know if the clasp comes up a couple inches short around my ample girth. I did have a little trouble fitting in behind the fold-up tray tables for the same reason I usually prefer a table to a booth in a restaurant — I like to be able to breathe!
In actual fact, I had lost about 28 pounds in the previous three months but, sad to say, as of this writing I managed to pack about six back on in Florida. Oh well, it’s back to counting calories, fat, and sodium for the old Grouch.
Speaking of exercise, I would rather diet than exercise. I know you should do both but exercising makes me spill my martini. My feeling is that if the Good Lord really wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees. The only sit-ups I do is when I have dropped the TV remote between my legs. We do have an exercise bike in the master bedroom which TLW uses to hang clothes that need folding. I gave up on riding that stationary bike because it reminded me that my life was going nowhere. I would get into lifting weights if they just weren’t so damned heavy. Pa-dum-dum.
In support of my rant against physical exercise, I present a couple classic examples from the animal kingdom. A whale does water aerobics all day, eats only fish, drinks only water — and still looks like a whale! A rabbit hops, skips, and runs all day and only lives a few years while a tortoise never runs, does mostly nothing, and often lives to be a hundred years old. Go figure!
My doctor insists that walking daily adds minutes to your life. If that were true, then mail carriers would live forever. And what is so hot about adding minutes to my life with those daily walks? It just means, when I’m 85 years old, I can look forward to an additional six or seven months in a nursing home at $4,500 per month.
I will close this rant with an age-old axiom which goes like this: “Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a balds head and a beer guts, and still think they are sexy.”
See ya...
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Dick Platt is a Daily Sun columnist. His column appears on Tuesdays. Want to “Soundoff” on this column? Email: soundoff@corsicanadailysun.com
Opinion
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Dick Platt is a Daily Sun columnist.
Discussion
12/12/12 — Bah-humbug!
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I am so cynical
Cynical: “...believing that people are motivated in all their actions only by selfishness; denying the sincerity of people’s motives and actions, or the value of living...sarcastic, sneering, etc...pessimistic implies an attitude, often habitual, of expecting the worst to happen...”
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Dumb people in the news
In the news this week was an on-line press release from the Department of Environmental Protection for the state of Pennsylvania that they’ve lost a nuclear device off the back of a truck somewhere between Pennsylvania and West Virginia. The Troxler Model 3430 is a radioactive gauge that takes measurements in the ground. The press release from the DEP states that anyone finding the box should not “tamper” with it.
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Editorial: Seizure of AP phone records insult to independent press
Distrust of government secrecy has been elevated to an exceptional level with the disclosure the Justice Department covertly examined two months of Associated Press phone records to determine who leaked details to the AP about a foiled terrorist plot.
This amounts to spying on an American news organization — common practice in dictatorships but scary conduct in a democratic system that prizes the public value of an independent watchdog press. -
Flying the “Delta Connector”
I had an unfortunate fall earlier this week and wrecked my back to the point where I cannot spend much time sitting up at my desk to write. Therefore, I am recycling a piece I wrote many years ago about our first trip from Corsicana back to Denver.
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It's my job
A couple of weeks ago, some chowderheads released a study saying that the worst job in America is that of newspaper reporters because of the low pay, long, odd hours and stress.
Number two on the list was lumberjack, which makes sense because trees kill.
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Message from the Mayor: Safety first
The tragic incident that recently occurred in West serves as a stark reminder that disasters can occur at any time or place.
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Angels among us
The winds have dispersed the mushroom cloud that hovered over the small town of West. The dust has settled. The President of the United States, the Governor of Texas and other dignitaries have come to join in the memorial for those who lost their lives.
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Missing the fun
Sad to say, in the 11 years The Little Woman (don’t call me that!) and I lived in Navarro County, we never attended the annual Derrick Days festivities. We followed all the events in the Daily Sun, but we never schlepped into town to “walk amongst em.” I guess, if I were to be honest with myself, I am the reason we never went.
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Need a job? Leave the cat at home
The USA Today has printed an article this past week of advice to newly minted college graduates on how to get a job which basically boiled down to “don’t be stupid.”
This is excellent advice for any situation, but particularly that crucial job interview. -
Plenty to do
I don’t wanna hear anyone griping about “there’s not anything to do around here.”
In fact, there’s SO much to do around here, I’m not sure how anyone can get to it all! - More Opinion Headlines
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